Things I'd do for Akatsuki
by tehbeastxx
Summary: Being an Akatsuki subordinate isn’t easy. Putting up with the headache-full amount of daily errands, the fear of failure and material not suited for children under the age of 13. The glory, the humiliation and the pain.


Disclaimer: Sakura would be dead already. And so would Karin.

**Decided to do this because of the lack of Akatsuki stories around. There seems to be an awful lot of NaruxHina fics. So yes, to the reading!**

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The life of a subordinate isn't what you think, especially not when you're employed by the Akatsuki. I'm here to tell you all about the highly-classified material of being a subordinate of the Akatsuki, which I'm probably not allowed to reveal to outsiders. Consider yourselves lucky!

First, you have to be loyal, patient, willing to take risks and proud. I recall the time when I just got employed.

**Fact to remember: you are nobody. **

I proved more useful than _any _of the useless junk gathered –no _selected-_ from various villages.

And after being _actually employed, _I worked my butt off. You were treated like trash every day, except Sundays when you were treated like shit. You have to have a high intellectual development, put simple; you had to understand the extremely complicated and difficult to comprehend instructions given by your elders and _carry them out correctly._

One lesson I learnt, things don't get repeated. I remember last time...

"_There is a scroll located in a box on the 57__th__ floor in the fifth temple down after you enter the 8__th__ tunnel from the top and 6__th__ from the left. You find the tunnels after you enter the forest of reign, after you go through the fire country. The scroll is used to unlock to tower and retrieve the book of forbidden jutsus. I want you to get it for me."_

Being the subordinate meant you had to put your sempai's life before yours. The only path for you to take is the dead end. Having to stay behind to act as a decoy to buy time, allowing your elders to safely escape, then being captured and tortured by the enemy, then in wild conditions, thinking of an escape plan and making sure you're not being secretly followed by the enemy ninja. Only to receive a lecture on being too stupid to think of a fast and efficient way to escape and a beating for returning late.

Which brings me to my next point. Punishment. A memory comes back to me everytime...

_Pein-sama called for the second meeting since I've been serving the Akatsuki. As usual I stand in the shadowed part of the meeting place, having no part to talk, until he called my name._

_Immediately I began to recall everything I did wrong in the past fortnight, including the ones which I considered to be insignificant, and came up with exactly 2 incidents._

_First was when I was on a mission with Master Sasori and Deidara. I absently plucked a little bit of clay from the big bird's tail out of curiosity. When no one was looking of course. And second was when I poked Hidan's scythe, when he had his back to me._

"_Hidan was the one to place the complaint actually." Pein-sama contined._

_-Oh no! Have they found out?- I thought._

"_He thought you were having too much fun these recent weeks you've been here."_

_Fun – my –ass._

_If you define running around taking orders to capture __**specific **__people ALIVE for sacrificial purposes for some crazy religion extremist fun. Then yes._

"_As a part of the Akatsuki, we'd expect more from our subordinates. To report back after every mission immediately so the next could be carried out." Leader-sama concluded. "As for what will happen to you now..."_

You wouldn't want to know.

But that's not all. You didn't think it was this easy did ya?

To make things worse, you had to squeeze in a-size-too-small black cloak with red clouds on every mission. Failure to do so meant a visit to the leader's room for a friendly chat.

Being the lower class also meant you had to put up with insults from your elders, rants, complaints, impossible missions, weird noises, stripping and humiliation. Oh the list goes on.

"_You stupid little brat. I SAID TO GET THE __**GREEN **__ONE. What colour does this look like to you moron? It's fucking BLUE you useless weak shit. GO BACK AND NEVER COME BACK IF YOU CAN'T FIND IT. __**DO YOU EVEN HAVE A BRAIN?"**_

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"_GO AND BRING ME THE STUPID HOKAGE'S HEAD. __**NOW!"**_

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"_Insult Jashin ONE MORE TIME, and I'll RIP YOUR HEAD OFF PERMANANTELY AND MAKE SURE YOU GO TO FUCKING HELL. Jashin is the GOD of ALL. He'll make you suffer, NOW KNEEL BEFORE HIM and PRAY TO HIS GOODNESS. OR I SHALL SACRIFICE YOU TO HIM, the mighty God..."_

You get the idea.

And being an_ Akatsuki _subordinate, you have to be willing to sacrifice your life, for any of the members. To follow orders without complaint or question, and to learn to be a good servant for the most powerful shinobis alive.

And of course, there are good times.

Like making fun of your sempais' failures then receiving a beating for laughing... Pulling pranks on Zetsu, like swapping his dead corpses with animals or killing all the plants in his room, then get in serious trouble by the Leader and having to do the household cleaning for a week...

Removing Itachis contact lenses and replacing them with mint slices, burning his eyes... (DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME)... then suffering in the world of tsukyomi... Ambushing the leader in the base but end up falling for the trap yourself...

And the highlights...

Watching Sasuke suffer as Kiran tries to pull him into a romantic embrace... Using Karin as target practise... Stabbing Hidan multiple times when he's sleeping... Doodle on Kisame's Samehada when he's got his back turned...

These good moments amuse me to no end when I think back to them.

After all these years, I've been thinking why I signed up the first place. What was so good about _Akatsuki _that dragged me on its path? I have still yet to figure this out, but I know this. I love the Akatsuki and my masters... I've always had a deep thought inside me that tells me that I have done more for this organisation than Uchiha Madara. What has that old man done? He's probably already dead!

P.S. I better hide this, if he finds out, he'll kill me!

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Tobi now holds this piece of paper in his hands, staring at the person he'd tied to the chair.

"This whole thing is a joke and it's stupid." Tobi said, using his threatening, deep voice. "Except for that last part... **I'M** Madara Uchiha."

**Didn't expect that did you? Reviews are appreciated.**


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